I feel better. I just think I needed a break from everything. But its all gonna start again at school. The never ending cycle of meaningless bullshit that is my life. I try to think on the bright side but its so hard to ignore the bad when thats all I ever think despite how hard I try not to. last night i dreamed about my friend for the first time. We where in a haunted house and she keep leaving me no matter how much I begged her not to. She just said "Stop being afraid." and then she would leave. I went looking for her but couldn't find her. Then I got up. It was a really wired and scary dream. whats strange is that she had a dream where i kinda ditched her for a guy. I dont know. I just hope we dont actually leave each other. But are lies are kinda sad when you think about it. Were sophomores in high school that have never had are first kisses, Never had real boyfriends, and hang out with twelve year olds. What the hell is wrong with us. 

You Are Only Coming Through In Waves

I have been watching Pink Floyd's The Wall nonstop all week. I have also been oddly depressed all week. I feel like im not real and this is all some horrible dream that I cant wake up from. I need someone to talk to but im afraid to talk to people. No one ever understands they think I got it so good. I dont! I wish i could just run away somewhere no one will ever find me. I wish i could just leave this place and go somewhere im actually free and not stuck in this never ending routine. I cant though. Im afraid. All I want is to feel freedom and to feel love foronce in my life. Then again who could ever love me?